1. If a cow laughed really hard would milk come out of her nose?
2.Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
3.How can you tell when your out of invisible ink?
4.Why is there an eject button on the VCR remote?
Don't you have to get up to get to the tape?
5.Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!
6.Do one legged ducks swim in circles?
7.Does anybody ever vanish with a trace?
8.Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
9.Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
10.How can someone "draw a blank"?
11.How can the weather be "hot as hell" one day and"cold as hell" another?
12.How can there be "self help GROUPS"?
13.How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
14.How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
15.How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
16.How do you know when yogurt goes bad?
17.How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
18.How fast do you have to go to keep up with the sun so you're nerver in darkness?
19.If a mute child swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
20.If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
21.If a synchronized swimmer drowns, does her partner also have to drown?
22.If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
23.If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
24.If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
25.If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
26.If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
27.If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
28.How many people thought of the Post-It note before it was invented but just didn't have anything to jot it down on?
29.How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
30.If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
31.If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train stops, why do I have a work station on my desk?
32.If a case of the clap spreads, is it then considered a case of the applause?
33.If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?
34.If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?
35.If a dog sweats through his tongue, why does he have armpits?
36.If a jogger runs a the speed of sound can he still hear his walkman?
37.If a man speaks and their is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
38.If God sneezes...what should you say?
39.If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
40.If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
41.If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
42.If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
43.If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
44.If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
45.If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
46.If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?
47.If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
48.If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill herself, is it considered a hostage situation?
49.If superglue is so good, why doesn't it stick to the inside of the tube?
50.If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?
51.If the cops arrest a mime, do they have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?
52.If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery?
53.If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?
54.If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
55.If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
56.If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?
57.If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
58.If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the driver end up owing you money?
59.If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
60.If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, should you plan a surprise birthday party for them?
61.If you play a blank tape at full volume and have a mime for a neighbor, will he complain?
62.If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
63.Isn't it a little scary that a doctors work is called practice?
64.Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
65.What came first the chicken or the egg?
66.What color would a smurf turn if you choked it?
67.What did we do before the Law of Gravity was passed?
68.What do sheep count when they can't sleep?
69.What does it mean if you break a mirror with a rabbits foot?
air color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
71.What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
72.What is a free gift?
73.Aren't all gifts free?
74.Why did the chicken cross the road?
75.What's another word for synonym?
our pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
78.Who named everything?
79.Who tows the tow trucks when they break down?
80.Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
81.Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
82.Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
83.Why do feet smell and noses run, yet noses smell and feet run?
84.Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
85.Why do they report power outages on TV?
86.Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
87.Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?
88.Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
89.Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?
90.Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
91.Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
92.Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
92.Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
93.Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto?
94.Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
95.Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
96.You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?